Your Response to the Storm

One of the main takeaways I want to give my audiences is the message that we ALL have been through adventures in our lives.  This means we ALL have a choice to make: After you have gone through a difficult life adventure, how do you decide to respond to those around you?

This past week was an adventure for me and my family.  I had a seizure.  This meant I had to choose how I would act as a result.  I knew my husband as well as my two young kids would see my emotional response to this issue and base their response on that.

Don’t You See the Rainbow?

My 8 year old daughter especially would be looking for a lead to how she would feel since she was the one who found me on the floor after this test of our faiths took place.  The day after the seizure, my arm showed very obvious bruises from the fall I had taken at my desk.  She pointed them out and showed signs of concern and even fright.

I knew I could go ahead and feel sorry for myself and cause her to lose trust in her mother’s ability to handle life’s little bumps.  Instead, I saw an opportunity to show her that a few bruises were not going to shake her mom’s world.  I had already seen that the biggest bruise on my arm was actually quite colorful.  I quickly stated with a pleasant tone “Don’t you see the rainbow?”  I couldn’t believe how quickly her demeanor changed.  She now had a smile on her face and laughed just a tad.  The bruise was never an issue after that.

The Lesson

One of the most important lessons I believe we can teach our children is that life will not be perfect.  Every single one of us will face battles in our lives that may seem impossible at times.  We absolutely must be equipped to stay strong in these times and to help others stay strong in their battles.  One of my favorite quotes on this topic comes from The Count of Monte Cristo:

“Life is a storm my young friend.  You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next.  What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes.”

Ask Yourself:

How do you respond when life’s adventures storm in?  What do those closest to you learn as a result?

/by

Quality & Quantity Time in Marriage (Part 3 of 3)

I understand that quantity time may sound like something impossible and I hear you.  Still, I believe quantity time is much less stressful to achieve than quality time.  Let me explain.

Quantity Time Can Be Simple

If you are making time each day (even 30 minutes a day) to enjoy time together that may not be labeled as “quality” you are most likely sharing in regular real life, day-to-day experiences.  You are getting to know each other in your “natural habitat” instead of locked in at a zoo for show.  Quantity time may mean going to the grocery store together or even playing footsie while you read books.  The important thing is you are together and you are learning about each other.

Quantity Time Makes You Feel Loved

When you begin to see that your spouse has made you a priority above other items in their life, you feel loved.  You see that you are no longer assumed to be the one who gets just the leftover time.  You realize that you are of value to be with.  You are then refueled to see value in your spouse as well.

Quantity Time Equals Better Understanding

I hear from many couples who say that they don’t feel like they even know their spouse anymore.  How do you start connecting?  If you put time aside for your spouse everyday, you will begin an investment for a better understanding of your spouse.

The Example:

At 10pm every night Erik and I sit down for a glass of wine in front of the television and this is how it has been for years.  Thanks to DVDs and Netflix, we share in many on-screen sagas but mostly past loved TV reruns that were a part of our growing up before we met.  I believe that because of this, we learn little insights into each other’s personalities that make our marriage more fun.  We are sharing something that was and still is special to us.  We are creating bases for conversations that will last way after the TV show ends.

The Results:

When we started dating, Erik had never seen a Friends episode in his life and I had no previous sci-fi experience.

After years of studying Friends with me, Erik has fallen in love with the characters just as I did years ago.  He also has a better appreciation for why I appreciate just what a gentleman he is and why people associate me with Monica.  We can barely get through a day without some kind of inside joke relating to Friends that only the two of us would understand.

In the same way, I sat down to take in the full Star Trek: The Next Generation experience.  I now have a much better understanding for why intelligent young men would love this show.  I even developed a better respect for the actors who worked so hard to make these roles believable.  A part of Erik’s life that was once seen as a little odd to me, now is something I can share in admiring.

Quantity Time Ends Up as Quality Time

If you both truly focus on setting aside Quantity time each day, it will begin to be Quality Time.  When you make time together, no matter what you are doing, you are together.  While you are running errands together, very important items may come to your mind that need attention and your spouse is already with you.  Because you make time everyday for each other, something funny that the kids said will be shared together right away instead of weeks from now.  You are creating memories together.

Bottom Line: Prioritize Quantity Time with Your Spouse and it Will Improve Your Marriage!
/by