The Value of Hope

“Hope is the anchor of the soul, the stimulus to action, and the incentive to achievement. – Anonymous

Hope is as precious as gold. Without it we can’t go on. The past couple of weeks in my life have helped me realize this even more than before.

My Hopes

After the difficult episode my family experienced due to my epilepsy, I once again had to choose to cling to hope. Hope that my injured ear would heal without problems. Hope that the flame of joy in our home would not be hindered but rather fanned even further. Hope that Erik would continue to love me in that incredibly self-less and romantic way he always has. And hope once again that this will have been the last seizure.

No matter how crazy it may sound after over 30 years of living this rollercoaster, I choose hope. If I didn’t, I know it wouldn’t be possible for me to be anything more than a person who has seizures. It would be a clear admission of defeat that would bring pain to me and everyone who cares for me. I would assume that I could never be healed. That the many voices who have shared the belief that I will one day be well are simply mistaken. It would be like fighting a war sure you have already lost.

The Result

But I must choose to continue on with hope guiding my triumph. First, I long to be a light of encouragement and laughter that stands out beyond the seizures. Next, I pursue with reckless abandon how to be the most committed and vivacious life partner, the most loving and uplifting mother, and the most encouraging and humorous friend. In all of this anger tries to strike my cause. Still, with even a tiny grasp on hope, I am employed to continue forward. I see all that is possible in spite of the little adjustments I may be forced to make along the way.

Ask Yourself

As I always say, we will all go through adventures in this life and we choose to learn from these experiences or keep repeating the mistakes. Today I challenge you to observe your life right now and ask yourself: Are you clinging to hope or assuming defeat?

This is a powerful way to look at what you are currently experiencing and determine why you may be succeeding or failing in your dreams. I would love to hear more about how you answered this question and what it meant for you. Please connect with me to share your story!

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Our Light in a Dark Time

Right now, there are a lot of messages encouraging us to help where we can but how in the world does anyone help when we aren’t even supposed to go near one another?  Well, sometimes the only way you can help is to take that risk.  I’m very thankful that my neighbors were willing to do that last week.

Hurting

I hurt.  There really isn’t another way to put it.  I had some seizures last week and hurt myself pretty badly.  We had to call on our neighbors to help us watch the kids while Erik took me in to the ER.  I was not a happy camper after my seizure so I wasn’t excited to see anyone else in our home or to hear that I was leaving but when I realized just how damaged my ear was, I understood why Erik had called them over.

I hate having to get emergency medical care and it is especially difficult when we are already dealing with a pandemic situation.  After weeks of doing everything we possibly can to stay home, we willingly went in to a medical care building.  To make it even worse, we were told to go to three different places.  We started at an Urgent Care and then went to an Emergency Room and then a bigger Emergency Room before I finally got stitched up.

The Light

The only light in all of this was the kindness of our neighbors.  I am beyond embarrassed that we needed to call on them in this way and amazed that they were willing to say “yes”.  They ended up being here for over 6 hours because of the many places we had to go.  They were truly angels to our family in this horrible time.

When Erik and I finally got home, their college age son was playing with our 7 year old boy.  Instead of having a negative look on his face, when we thanked Andrew for his help, he commented that we knew where to find them if we needed anything else.  That meant a lot to me.  We’ve only lived here about a year and we are still getting to understand the dynamics of the neighborhood.  With those words, I realized this wasn’t a one-time gift of kindness.  This is a bridge that will be left open from now on with a new understanding of needs.  I slept with a new sense of peace that night.

When you go through a difficult experience such as we did here, you look for the light or you end up lost.  I’m so thankful for the light our neighbors were willing to shine their light for us.

Ask Yourself

I know we’re not the only ones experiencing hard times, all of us on this earth are going through a very difficult experience and it is the perfect opportunity to look for the light or even to be the light that shines.  What small way can you be a light in a very dark time or maybe even what small light has been shone in your direction to help you make it through until tomorrow?

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Addition to TO DOs and Beyond

The Incident

This past weekend, a terrible thing happened. I was unable to log into my phone and I was forced to do a factory reset. If any of you have been through this, you understand. There is no real certainty for what will be saved and what will be lost forever. This was more than somewhat difficult for me to handle.
My contacts? My texts? What would all be gone? Then, it hit me: my To Do List App. The thought that everything I had saved to do for today and in the future may be completely wiped out was overwhelming. I was in tears. This fear was taking over me but why?

At a time when there is so much panic about illness on our planet, so much sadness and disconnect, my apparent greatest fear was that I would lose control of my to do lists. Apparently the dopamine that I gain from checking off those boxes each day and the forced control I assume by laying out my plans minute by minute has become an addiction. That realization quickly caused me to rethink what could be done when my phone was unavailable for service.

The Lesson

I took this past weekend to observe just how many times I thought about grabbing that small piece of metal and how much more often I made eye contact with my kids because it wasn’t there. Yes, I worried about who couldn’t reach me and whether I had missed any items I needed to do. Still, I gave myself permission to let that go because it was literally out of my control.

My phone is back up and running but I’m still spending time resetting many items. It is like starting fresh in many ways. Thankfully, my contacts and even my to do list items were returned to me almost completely intact.

Erik brought this instance up a couple of days later. He said “Over the past four days we have been through a lot of stresses with the kids and other items but nothing seemed to put you over the edge like the idea of losing that to do list.” I began to giggle and admit just how right he was. The giggles turned to extreme laughter. I thanked God once again that I had someone like Erik to love me even through this kind of craziness, sometimes because of this kind of craziness.

In addition to a good dose of laughter, I feel like I made progress in my mission to learn how to live “In the Present” during this incredibly concerning time. I taught myself just how much that phone is a hindrance to that mission and that I should take breaks from that controlling item more regularly to enjoy connection with my family.

Application

Now, the hard part…application of that lesson. I admit this will not be easy but I know in my heart it will make a positive difference in my future. You may know exactly what I mean or you may have already learned this lesson well. I invite you to think about just what may be an unusual type of addiction that is draining you verses helping you fill others up during this time. TV? Cooking? Video games? Check your motivation to find out for yourself.

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An Account of Raspberries

Although I have usually been a very left-brained individual (regularly focused on the past or future & excited about organizing and lists), I believe it is in my best interest to balance things out a little.  I can tell that my right brain never gets the attention it needs so it “falls asleep” quite often.  Previously, I didn’t notice.  Colorful objects and patterns or things occurring right here and now don’t usually catch my eye because I am so focused on getting that next box checked on my to do list.

My mission, if I choose to accept it, is to regularly exercise and pay attention to my right brain so it is there when I need it.  I have come up with some pretty interesting ways to do this lately and I plan to write about them more in other posts.  For now, I want to tell you about what happened today when I got stuck in my left brain.

Today’s Project

This morning I was working on our balance sheet.  I know I am a little late in getting this completed but it is better late than never.  All morning I had been looking at bank and retirement accounts on paper and on the computer.  Some I hadn’t signed into in a very long time.  That meant codes and passwords and emails and phone calls.  All of this, for the sake of numbers.  I will admit that every time I got one of the numbers that I could enter into the empty space on my sheet, it was a little shot of adrenaline…I had found a piece of the puzzle!  Still, it was all very left brained work.

While I was in the middle of this project, the kids began to express their eagerness for lunch to begin.  They were coming in and out with various requests and animations.  I slowly lost my concentration on the numerical project at hand as I realized I was quite hungry as well.

Lunch Laughter

Erik and I started putting lunch together and I took some fresh raspberries out of the fridge.  I had to quickly stop both kids from sticking their hands into the bowl.  “Keep your hands out of the account!” I said in a very strong tone.  As soon as I said it, I hoped in my heart no one had notice but it was not to be.  Erik began laughing soon after and asked “What did you say?  An account of raspberries?!” We both laughed quite hard after that.  The kids began giggling soon after.  Probably because mommy and daddy both looked so silly and not because they actually understood what was so funny.

The next thing Erik said was “That’s one for the blog!”  At first, I didn’t agree but then I realized it was important to pay attention to the journey I am on with my brain.  This morning I can definitely say that I was stuck in my left brain and my right brain is obviously in need of attention.

How about You?

Have you taken this unusual time of uncertainty to truly focus on the simple things such as the beauty of art and music and your own imagination?  If so, I am very proud of you.  If not, I personally give you permission to take a break from your ongoing list of to dos and simply take the time to close your eyes and let your right brain guide you for a while.  Or, you can just keep going through those accounts of fruit.  It’s your choice!

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Music is Magic

I came to Erik a couple of days ago and told him I would be working very hard over the next two months to live in the present.  I also shared I had learned from a TED Talk by Jill Bolte Taylor about the right brain being a huge part of my homework in this study.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyyjU8fzEYU

He mentioned I may want to use music to help me in that as a tool.  Since music is more his thing, I assured him that I would rather use visuals such as bright colors to help me in this journey.  He was very understanding but asked me to keep the idea in mind just in case.  It wouldn’t be the first time my husband was correct about my needs.

Family Movie Night

In light of the crazy closed-in adventure we are currently experiencing, there has been need to multiply our family movie nights on occasion.  Last night, we finally succumbed to the kids’ continued request for a family viewing of Jurassic Park.  Our 6 year old boy, Kemuel, had already watched it months ago and he was eager to share it with his 9 year old sister who had been gone at a party that night.  They both were so excited about the movie that Erik and I decided it would be a fun selection.

The Message

Something I forgot to mention is that Jurassic Park happens to contain my absolute favorite piece of movie scoring ever.  (aside from Erik’s scores of course)  When Hammond welcomes Dr. Grant and Dr. Sattler to the park and they get their first view of the brachiosaurus, an absolutely majestic ensemble of instruments streams in with a message almost completely unexpected for a movie of this type.  Suddenly my eyes close and my body begins to sway.  I can’t help it.  The message to my heart and soul is that of peace and beauty.  I feel the soft instruction to see the beauty right here right now and experience the peace from that comes from that moment as a result.  Every time I hear it, I experience that same result.

The Lesson

Last night, I realized just what that meant.  I had found an exercise to help my right brain.  After the movie, I begged Erik to play me the music on his newest keyboard.  I felt so thankful to have my own musician available for this next step in my journey.  It seemed to make the visualization during the music even more dramatic and colorful than usual.  It truly was magic to my brain and my body.

Too often I have avoided anything that allows me to stop for any amount of time and focus on something that isn’t necessarily “productive”.  Now that I have given myself permission to work on being in the present, I am finally allowed to see and place the incredible new piece in this puzzle as I continue to learn how best to work through this world of adventure and healing.  I can’t tell you how excited I am to learn more.

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In the Present

This is a time when it is almost impossible to know what will happen tomorrow, let alone next week.  I have done everything I can to keep my family healthy, fed and learning.  Still, it feels like I have no ability to plan ahead and that is one of my strongest skills.  It is also my biggest downfall.

The Problem

I have a horrible time being “in the present”.  I am constantly thinking about what I will be doing next.  When I am working at home, I am planning dinner.  When I am making dinner, I am figuring out what the kids will need to do for school that evening.  When I am working with the kids on homework, I am planning what I will be able to accomplish once they are in bed.  Well…you get the picture.  It is amazing to think that I get anything completed with this mindset.

Don’t think I haven’t tried to fix this problem.  I have read many books and done meditation and Bible reading in an effort to remain “in the present”.  However, it never seems to work right.  In times I felt I had succeeded in this mission, I ended up doing one thing all day long such as putting together a photo book on Shutterfly.

When all of the craziness of today’s issues started becoming a real part of my life that I could not avoid and certainly could not predict, I tried to see what I could learn.  Almost immediately, I realized now would be a good time to work on being “in the present”.

The Mission

I have not mastered this skill and I may never do so but I am actively at work on training myself to correctly and productively remain “in the present” with what I am currently doing.  At this unknowable time in our lives, there is not very far for our brain to go beyond this moment.

If you also have experienced how difficult the suggested mindset of thinking can be to achieve, take this opportunity.  Focus on the now.

  • Allow yourself to leave your phone in another room while as you talk to your spouse
  • Go outside and play soccer with your kids without worrying about when dinner may start
  • Read a book without counting how many pages before you can stop
  • Drink a glass of wine or your favorite juice without thinking about when you will need a refill

It may seem almost impossible but it may be the perfect time to work on being “in the present”.

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