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How Do We Know We Haven’t Moved On?

I learned something about myself today: I still have mountains to conquer, one in particular.  I still haven’t gotten over how I was treated by a specific supervisor from my past.  How do I know?  I saw that person today in a coffee shop and quickly left the store to avoid confrontation.  Inevitably, she saw me and I had to do the right thing by assuming the social graces of asking how she had been and answering her questions of how I had been.  I had not taken the time to prepare myself for this meeting.  I didn’t have the energy to do it correctly.  It felt so fake.

Immediately after this brief reconnect, I felt awful about myself.  To me, it was like admitting defeat.  I have accomplished so much in recent years.  I am making a career out of sharing with others how to learn from their life adventures for goodness sake.  How could I still be unable to face the scars left from that particular adventure that seems so much smaller by far than many other larger mountains I feel I have conquered?

What I Saw in Me

I noticed 3 things specifically that made me see I had not truly moved on from this life adventure:

  • My natural instinct for “flight” was controlling my behavior versus the tools of wisdom I have learned and applied in other areas of my life
  • When I try and see value from this experience, it is there but it does not come easily
  • There is still an unpleasant physical response when I think about or talk about this person

Reality Check

WOW!  There is still pain and resentment existing in my life coming from this experience that occurred years ago.  It is now clear that I am still choosing to be controlled by that situation and that I still need to work through what happened there that brought me to such a difficult point in how I viewed myself.  This squeaky wheel needs active attention to be useful again!  Because of this meeting today, I will be taking time to go through why my brain still can’t get over this molehill and what I need to do so that it can.

What about you?

It is easy to say that we have moved on or risen above certain life situations but that may not always be true.  Next time you are wondering if you need to work on freedom from the pain of a difficult life adventure, ask yourself these three questions:

  • Instinct or Wisdom – Is my response to this situation based on instinct or wisdom?
  • Value – Can I honestly look back and see value gained from this experience that I feel confident sharing?
  • Physical Response – Does the thought of this experience still cause a negative physical response?

It has been said that if we had already achieved all we could on this earth, we would no longer have any need to be here.  I go back to that theory as I reflect on my reality-experience today.  The truth is, we will always have things that we need to work on and learn to grow from as we go through this life.  It is very important that we take what we learn during each of those times when we choose to move on.  This will help us to still see value from the difficulty that we went through during that time.  It does no good to simply try to forget.  Still, our learning is not complete if we can’t move forward with confidence.

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How Do You Take Your Coffee?  Stressed or Unstressed?

It’s Your Choice

Coffee is one of those things that everyone enjoys a little differently.  My father can’t have his hot enough and once it cools, it gets dumped on the curb on his way to work.  If my mother doesn’t have her special sugar in a cup of decaf, it won’t do the trick.  Companies have made millions attempting to get each of our requests exactly right.

This morning I realized just how much stress I put into getting my coffee right in the morning.  I like mine relatively hot, but not too hot, with just the right amount of organic cream.  My husband knows how to put just enough in the bottom so when he pours the coffee on top, it will mix in perfectly.  I wait for a few moments until it is just right for temperature.  Then, it happens…for a period of about 10 minutes, my coffee is at the perfect hotness to give me that sweet sense of pleasure and maybe even the reassurance that I will be productive today.

A Chance to Laugh at Yourself

But what if the phone rings or the kids forget something or Erik stops me in the hall?  That’s right, I’ve missed my moment.  I could microwave it but I know that the taste of microwaved coffee tastes just wrong for me.  I could add more hot coffee to it but I know that will throw off the balance of the cream in the current cup.  In a very short time, something that was once a symbol of success for my day has become a figure representing a lost opportunity for both my taste buds and possibly my feelings toward my work and family.

I know I’m not the only one.  How many others have had their thoughts slowly sink toward discouragement because a small element in the day was simply not meeting our level of perfection?  When I stopped to really examine my series of thoughts in regards to my coffee this morning I was truly thinking “What in the world?”  No one put this stress on me.  It was a choice.  I opted for an attitude of frustration because of lukewarm coffee.  However, when I really investigated my day today, I noticed how few other things I had to complain about.  I was choosing to stress over my coffee because I simply didn’t see anything else extremely stressful about my day today.  How could I not stop to laugh at myself?

It’s Still Your Choice

Right away, my attitude changed.  After that giggle to myself, I focused on the beautifully lit Christmas tree that we completed last night.  I recalled that Erik had done the dishes so I could get the laundry caught up.  In addition, I remembered what I spend my time sharing with my audiences about learning from life’s adventures.  Could an imperfect cup of coffee be today’s life adventure?  It doesn’t take a dramatic episode to help us learn how to laugh.  We can learn that through even the smallest daily items, even coffee.  You get to make that choice!

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