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Music is Magic

I came to Erik a couple of days ago and told him I would be working very hard over the next two months to live in the present.  I also shared I had learned from a TED Talk by Jill Bolte Taylor about the right brain being a huge part of my homework in this study.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyyjU8fzEYU

He mentioned I may want to use music to help me in that as a tool.  Since music is more his thing, I assured him that I would rather use visuals such as bright colors to help me in this journey.  He was very understanding but asked me to keep the idea in mind just in case.  It wouldn’t be the first time my husband was correct about my needs.

Family Movie Night

In light of the crazy closed-in adventure we are currently experiencing, there has been need to multiply our family movie nights on occasion.  Last night, we finally succumbed to the kids’ continued request for a family viewing of Jurassic Park.  Our 6 year old boy, Kemuel, had already watched it months ago and he was eager to share it with his 9 year old sister who had been gone at a party that night.  They both were so excited about the movie that Erik and I decided it would be a fun selection.

The Message

Something I forgot to mention is that Jurassic Park happens to contain my absolute favorite piece of movie scoring ever.  (aside from Erik’s scores of course)  When Hammond welcomes Dr. Grant and Dr. Sattler to the park and they get their first view of the brachiosaurus, an absolutely majestic ensemble of instruments streams in with a message almost completely unexpected for a movie of this type.  Suddenly my eyes close and my body begins to sway.  I can’t help it.  The message to my heart and soul is that of peace and beauty.  I feel the soft instruction to see the beauty right here right now and experience the peace from that comes from that moment as a result.  Every time I hear it, I experience that same result.

The Lesson

Last night, I realized just what that meant.  I had found an exercise to help my right brain.  After the movie, I begged Erik to play me the music on his newest keyboard.  I felt so thankful to have my own musician available for this next step in my journey.  It seemed to make the visualization during the music even more dramatic and colorful than usual.  It truly was magic to my brain and my body.

Too often I have avoided anything that allows me to stop for any amount of time and focus on something that isn’t necessarily “productive”.  Now that I have given myself permission to work on being in the present, I am finally allowed to see and place the incredible new piece in this puzzle as I continue to learn how best to work through this world of adventure and healing.  I can’t tell you how excited I am to learn more.

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In the Present

This is a time when it is almost impossible to know what will happen tomorrow, let alone next week.  I have done everything I can to keep my family healthy, fed and learning.  Still, it feels like I have no ability to plan ahead and that is one of my strongest skills.  It is also my biggest downfall.

The Problem

I have a horrible time being “in the present”.  I am constantly thinking about what I will be doing next.  When I am working at home, I am planning dinner.  When I am making dinner, I am figuring out what the kids will need to do for school that evening.  When I am working with the kids on homework, I am planning what I will be able to accomplish once they are in bed.  Well…you get the picture.  It is amazing to think that I get anything completed with this mindset.

Don’t think I haven’t tried to fix this problem.  I have read many books and done meditation and Bible reading in an effort to remain “in the present”.  However, it never seems to work right.  In times I felt I had succeeded in this mission, I ended up doing one thing all day long such as putting together a photo book on Shutterfly.

When all of the craziness of today’s issues started becoming a real part of my life that I could not avoid and certainly could not predict, I tried to see what I could learn.  Almost immediately, I realized now would be a good time to work on being “in the present”.

The Mission

I have not mastered this skill and I may never do so but I am actively at work on training myself to correctly and productively remain “in the present” with what I am currently doing.  At this unknowable time in our lives, there is not very far for our brain to go beyond this moment.

If you also have experienced how difficult the suggested mindset of thinking can be to achieve, take this opportunity.  Focus on the now.

  • Allow yourself to leave your phone in another room while as you talk to your spouse
  • Go outside and play soccer with your kids without worrying about when dinner may start
  • Read a book without counting how many pages before you can stop
  • Drink a glass of wine or your favorite juice without thinking about when you will need a refill

It may seem almost impossible but it may be the perfect time to work on being “in the present”.

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“You’ll Bounce Back”

The Nightmare Returns

I had 5 seizures last month within a week.  It took me over a week after that to feel like I was myself again.  During that difficult time, I questioned myself often.  I wondered if this would be the time I would never come back to normal.  There were so many voices in my head with questions. Some of those voices tried to convince me there was no hope for going back to what had been.

Words from Friends

Speaking to friends helped to create some normalcy for me but I knew in my heart they could tell I was not myself.  I decided the best thing to do was to pretend everything was going to be all right.  With some of my friends who have known me and my epilepsy for years and years, they knew from experience how to play along and I needed that.  However it seemed a little different when I got on the phone for my weekly meeting with my career accountability partner.

She and I have been successfully encouraging and each other for almost 2 years now and I can’t imagine what I would do without her.  I shared with her last month that I had experienced this disaster and that I wondered if I would be able to continue on with my speaking career.  Her response: “Don’t say that.  You’ll bounce back, you always do!”

A Surprise Result

At first I was surprised that she was not more understanding but I quickly realized that was exactly what I needed to hear.  I didn’t need someone telling me they felt sorry for me and all I had to go through.  I needed someone to remind me that they have seen me succeed through this difficulty before and they have no doubt that I will recover in full.

I replayed her response over and over in my head for the next couple of weeks.  Every day after that I seemed to see progress and now I can say that I truly feel I have “bounced back”.  I used her words to drown out the voices who wanted to give up and I am so thankful I did.

Remind Yourself

What voices are you listening to today?  Remember to listen to the voices from those who believe you will succeed and not those voices in your head who keep telling you failure is your only option.  Listening to those who believe in you is not the easy choice because the voices in your head give you an excuse to give up.  The voices who believe in you require you to do the work that leads to that success.

Remind yourself over and over while you take each small step forward after a fall, “You’ll bounce back” and you will.

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