Quality and Quantity Time in Married Life (Part 2 of 3)

Have you ever met a celebrity?  If so, you know that your time with them is usually quite short and stressful.  I recently heard and met my favorite band in person.  I worked on the questions I would ask them for weeks.  Then, when I actually met them, it was a disaster.  I stressed in the line about what I would say.  I stressed during the time that I met them as I tried to use my few precious seconds of time for the best purpose.  Then, I stressed afterwards rethinking what I had just said and wishing I had said something else.

After this incredible, yet draining experience.  I realized that the reason for all of this anxiety was the fact that I knew I most likely would never see them again and I wanted to make the absolute best impression possible.  Doesn’t this seem to be true about a conversation with anyone we do not talk to very often?

If you speak to a friend that you haven’t talked with in months or even years, it can require much more mental and emotional energy than talking with someone you speak to on a weekly basis.  The reason may be that they have not been a regular part of your recent life and filling them in on past months may be quite wearing.  What do you say in a short period of time that will update them on your life, create a memorable experience and leave them wanting more?

Quality Time Leads to Stress

This brings us to another reason why I argue that the theory of quality time over quantity time in a marriage is simply a lie.  If you know you will only have 30 minutes to talk face-to-face with your spouse each week, wouldn’t that 30 minutes become a period of stress instead of a period of enrichment?  You may do exactly what I did when I met the band.  1) Struggle with what to say while you anticipate the planned meeting.  2) Communicate your important thoughts in a way that comes across unlike you intended.  3) Spend hours afterwards rethinking what you should have said.

Quantity Time Leads to Connection

On the contrary, if you prioritize face-to-face time with your spouse each day, the opposite will be true. 1) You will look forward to a time of sharing updates on bigger life events as well as knowing there will be room to discuss the small items.  2) You will be more likely to say what you mean in a loving way because you know you can take the time to choose your words more carefully.  3) You may realize you misspoke during your last meeting but you will rest in knowing you can explain yourself better or even apologize very soon after.

Conclusion: Prioritize your quantity of time with your spouse and you will see how much less stressful your marriage becomes.