I am NOT a morning person but sometimes I try to pretend I am. Today I truly wanted to make my kids favorite breakfast of pancakes alongside the fresh strawberries I had cut up the night before. Unfortunately, I woke up with a mission on my heart that my brain and body weren’t equipped to complete.
Trial and Error
When I came down and announced to my kiddos that we were having pancakes for breakfast on a Thursday morning, my nine year old daughter nearly fell over. She knows, Mommy only makes pancakes on Saturdays. My seven year old son shared the same excitement and hugged me tight when he heard the news. I felt so proud of myself. At the same time I felt a little uneasy since it wasn’t even 7am yet. Still, I was determined to deliver on my promise.
My husband, Erik, was reasonably suspicious from the beginning (he knows me well) but he chose to give me a chance. First, the microwave door fought me as I attempted to melt the butter. Then, as I was trying to get an egg shell out of the mix, I tipped the bowl so that the contents spilled all over the counter and floor. It wasn’t long before I was showing my frustration clear as day. Any excitement over the planned meal was overridden with the uncomfortable tone of Mommy’s voice. It was time to admit it: I was not going to be able to make pancakes for my family this morning.
Erik was kind enough to clean up and the kids assured me that cereal was just fine for today. I felt extremely defeated. Instead of a completely loving gesture to my family, I had ruined their breakfast. There was no way of getting around the rumor that mommy was not a morning person.
Later in the day, Erik took me aside and lovingly suggested that pancakes should be reserved for weekends. He knows something that detailed on a school morning was just not a stress I should bring to myself or frankly to anyone else who would be coming to our breakfast table.
Think About It
We all have dreams of what we can do and give to others we love and that is exactly how it should be. Still, if those dreams put expectations on ourselves that aren’t realistic, the disappointment will hurt both us and the ones we were actually trying to serve.
Next time you have an “exciting” goal for how to change your world for the better, don’t forget to be honest with yourself about the tools you have available and if you may need to ask for help or possibly just more time to wake up.
Do you WANT to listen to your spouse?
I believe in a healthy and fun relationship, you need to genuinely enjoy listening to one another. Ask yourself: when they talk, do you find it almost impossible not to listen or do you seem to gaze off wishing your phone would interrupt for any reason?
Erik and I came into our relationship with many overlapping interests but also many that I would not have figured I would ever learn to appreciate. However, with the way he explains the details in the Battle of Midway or the ways that a bassoon can change the whole feel of a music piece, how could I not be drawn in for more? I learn so much from him every day.
Also, he makes it clear he hears my every word. When I bring up funny questions about why a certain wine tastes just right or my new decisions on which lilies to buy for the garden, he listens and remembers my words and contributes to my thoughts and ideas…sometimes even buys me books to expand on those interests so I can grow even more.
You will be surprised what you learn!
It’s the Little Things
In this brave new world, first impressions are more important than ever. No one can afford to let into their “inner circle”, whether for work or social reasons, if they don’t make you feel at peace with their presence from the beginning. A good example of this is my experience with two blind companies that I asked to come in and bid out a few broken blinds.
An Uncomfortable Meeting Indeed
The first blind company consultant (the father/son owners) almost came in with no masks. They then proceeded to walk onto our carpet with shoes still on. When the time came for the bid, they sat right down at my dining room table and placed their large binders on my kitchen counter…without any kind of request. The father seemed tired of his job and admitted it was time for him to retire. It was as if I was an inconvenience to his day’s activities. I felt disrespected and dreaded the idea of working with this company in the future.
Wow! What a Difference
The second company’s consultant (also part of the owner’s family) put his mask on right away and when he came in, he asked if he should remove his shoes or get some “booties” to wear in our home. Immediately, I felt a new level of comfort. I now knew he respected this was my home and he was a guest. He continued his kind service by explaining in detail what was needed and then taking a few minutes to fix one of the blinds we had expected to replace, with no charge.
When it came time for a written bid, he asked politely if it would be ok to sit at a table and where I would prefer we do so. The entire process included a kind smile that was easy to see even through a mask. What a difference! Which company would you want working in your home on this project?
Setting Yourself Apart
These elements of in we present ourselves are not outdated and certainly not any less appreciated than years before. In fact, they may set you apart in ways you never imagined:
Remember these simple gems as you make your first impressions today and you will build bridges where none may have been possible before.
R.E.S.T.
RESPONSIVE –
The best rest comes soon after you realize you may need it. When you get that message, do what you can to take even a short break right away or make it a point to schedule a break later in the day.
EXTENDED –
Rest must also be long enough to do what you need for your body and mind. You may be lucky enough to get refueled with only a 5 minute time out. Still, many of us need 20 minutes or more so fooling ourselves with a 5 minute break is sending the wrong message.
STRESS-FREE –
Rest can also be misinterpreted. If you sit down to “rest” and spend the entire time thinking about and stressing about everything that you are not doing, is it really rest? Not a chance.
TAILOR-MADE –
Figure out what your definition of rest needs to be. A nap on the couch? A walk through the park? Time in prayer? A hot shower? There are many options and none of them are wrong if you achieve the correct response.
A Huge Pain in the Butt
I don’t know about you but when I was growing up, my parents and mentors taught me right from wrong and they didn’t mince words. From then on, my conscience has been what some people would call “A Huge Pain in the Butt!”
I’m not by any means suggesting that I never make a wrong decision but I am saying that when I do, it never ends well. Even if no one else finds out, my stomach churns with guilt and I have to share what happened with someone else. I need to sort through what I did and how I can make it right.
The Problem
Today, there are more opportunities than ever to hurt others without anyone else finding out what you did. Steal an identity. Use a credit card that isn’t yours to buy awful things. Even make comments on websites that are extremely hurtful or filled with lies. Once you start, it is hard to quit because that conscience gets to be less of a pain. No one is there to tell you it’s wrong and no one may ever learn it was you.
Unfortunately, it isn’t as unusual as we would like to believe. It’s scary to think of how many people seem to “enjoy” hurting others when they know they can’t be accused for this wrong doing.
The Challenge
Be the one who stands up to these temptations even when it seems so easy to just play along. Believe it or not, every smeared reputation has a name and a face. What if next time, that face is yours or the face of someone you love? It’s worth it to listen to that “Huge Pain in the Butt”. You’ll be thankful later.
After the WALK ON THE MOON
For months, Erik and I have had my eye on only one project. We have been preparing every step towards it. We even decided to refer to this project as our WALK ON THE MOON. We had our Apollo program and our Mercury program. It was an incredibly fun and intelligent way to chart our path to this extremely exciting new development.
Our project was a success and will be useful in our professional future but what will be next? Now that our WALK ON THE MOON is complete, there is this fog of leftover projects that I had previously put aside. They are not in any particular order of importance, just not as important as our WALK ON THE MOON.
What Now?
For many days after, it seemed I would just stare at my computer screen knowing there was so much to do to catch up but having absolutely no idea of where to start again. I felt like there was so much that needed to be done right away. Because I had no idea where to start, I would find myself organizing my office or making phone calls instead of actually making progress.
The creative plan for the last project had so much organized detail on what was to be done. It was also flexible enough to allow for family emergencies and vacation days. At first, I didn’t want to put in the time to make something like that again but yesterday I realized it was absolutely vital.
The Next Mission
I wrote out all of the professional projects I had set aside and started piecing together what was necessary and what was possible. Pretty soon, I started to see a pattern that made sense and a light at the end of the fog.
There were questions I asked myself about the plan for these professional projects:
Honestly, it looks like I may be caught up by mid December. Still, at least there is a plan and when I complete each step, I can feel accomplished and deserving of that glass of red wine at night. I can also feel a clear head about what the goals are for tomorrow.
This new plan was not a small project but it will be worth it. There is still much to be done but the fog has lifted!
New Rule: No Pancakes on Weekdays
I am NOT a morning person but sometimes I try to pretend I am. Today I truly wanted to make my kids favorite breakfast of pancakes alongside the fresh strawberries I had cut up the night before. Unfortunately, I woke up with a mission on my heart that my brain and body weren’t equipped to complete.
Trial and Error
When I came down and announced to my kiddos that we were having pancakes for breakfast on a Thursday morning, my nine year old daughter nearly fell over. She knows, Mommy only makes pancakes on Saturdays. My seven year old son shared the same excitement and hugged me tight when he heard the news. I felt so proud of myself. At the same time I felt a little uneasy since it wasn’t even 7am yet. Still, I was determined to deliver on my promise.
My husband, Erik, was reasonably suspicious from the beginning (he knows me well) but he chose to give me a chance. First, the microwave door fought me as I attempted to melt the butter. Then, as I was trying to get an egg shell out of the mix, I tipped the bowl so that the contents spilled all over the counter and floor. It wasn’t long before I was showing my frustration clear as day. Any excitement over the planned meal was overridden with the uncomfortable tone of Mommy’s voice. It was time to admit it: I was not going to be able to make pancakes for my family this morning.
Erik was kind enough to clean up and the kids assured me that cereal was just fine for today. I felt extremely defeated. Instead of a completely loving gesture to my family, I had ruined their breakfast. There was no way of getting around the rumor that mommy was not a morning person.
Later in the day, Erik took me aside and lovingly suggested that pancakes should be reserved for weekends. He knows something that detailed on a school morning was just not a stress I should bring to myself or frankly to anyone else who would be coming to our breakfast table.
Think About It
We all have dreams of what we can do and give to others we love and that is exactly how it should be. Still, if those dreams put expectations on ourselves that aren’t realistic, the disappointment will hurt both us and the ones we were actually trying to serve.
Next time you have an “exciting” goal for how to change your world for the better, don’t forget to be honest with yourself about the tools you have available and if you may need to ask for help or possibly just more time to wake up.
Who Do You Need?
Right now it is easy to imagine that we can along on our own. When you think of asking for assistance for small items like helping with the house or the kids, it doesn’t make a lot of sense since you aren’t supposed to have anyone in your homes right now anyway. Still, we can’t do this alone.
If we are honest with ourselves, none of us ever imagined that this is how we would be doing life. We never imagined this is how we would be parenting our young kids or “enjoying” our retirement but here we are.
My mother was the one who first pointed this out to me. She came over for a few days to help get the kids ready for school as well as to do errands AND take care of the house, while Erik and I tried to catch up on work. She had already done so much and I felt badly asking for more. While she was checking off the list of school supplies she said “No one should have to parent through this crazy time alone and I’m so thankful I can help.” WOW! That was an eye opening statement. I didn’t feel nearly as needy. I just felt loved.
Ask Yourself
The truth is, we all need help. Can you think of someone who recently reached out to ask if you needed anything? Were you honest about what they could do or did you pretend you could do it all alone? Take a second and see how important it is to be connected during this isolation adventure.
A Garden of Choices
I am just starting to learn how to garden. This year, I planted my version of a butterfly garden. Most of my seeds never took root and much of what I thought was my planned flowers actually turned out to be weeds. It was devastating to me that green seedlings that I had cared for may actually all be invasive species that wouldn’t attract butterflies at all. A few weeks ago, I admitted that the project had failed and I would try again next year. Still, I was reluctant to make the decision to actually pull the weeds because I didn’t have a true educated opinion available.
The Decision
Yesterday, I saw a few large plants growing there that I assumed could only be weeds. I even looked them up on an app to confirm a name of “amaranth” otherwise known as “pigweed.” It was time. I made the decision and I pulled every one of these that I could see and threw them in the woods. There was vindication over the pesky plants that I felt had come uninvited to my sacred space. It was definitely a decision based from anger and not wisdom.
Very soon after, I remembered one of the seed packages I had used. The small green shoot on the “weeds” I had just picked looked much like the beautiful red flowers on that package. I went to grab the bag of seeds in the garage. It was titled “Love Lies Bleeding” then I turned it around to see, in very small print, “amaranth”. Oh my goodness! I killed some of the very plants I had worked so hard to grow in the first place.
Owning It
It was embarrassing but I needed to own my decision. I had no one to blame but myself. This was a great reminder that 1) Decisions made in anger or out of frustration need to be thought through before actions are taken. 2) None of us are perfect and not every one of our choices will be correct. Still, if we never step out and make decisions for ourselves, we will never have an opportunity to be right about anything. 3) It is not helpful to sit and mull over our mistakes for hours or days at a time. We need to learn from that experience and move on to new adventures.
Ask Yourself
Where have you made some incorrect choices? Have you taken the time to learn from those choices and grow? Also, have you given yourself the ability to move on and succeed in future choices? Picture this: Sometimes even silly mistakes wear us down so much that other steps to success are ignored. That is a very scary thought!
Own That Next Step
We all have to make decisions. Right now, some of us may be forced to make decisions that we never thought we would. One person may be having to decide whether virtual or face-to-face school is right for his young kids. Another may have to decide whether to spend the little money she has on food or shelter for her family.
Blessing or Horror?
We are empowered in so many ways to be able to decide for ourselves even when that doesn’t seem to be the case. Many of us can choose if we will work at home or go into the office. In America, we have the right to decide on a vote for our own representation in government. We are able to choose what we will wear. We are all able to make our own decisions for how we will respond to everything that happens around us. Still, this is both a blessing and a horror.
Once we make a selection for how we will respond, we own that choice. In many ways, it is easier to have someone else decide and then have them ready in the shadows to take the blame when that decision ends up to be incorrect. I know. I’ve done it. Thankfully, I have been blessed with MANY wise mentors and most of the time they are correct. Still, I have been surrounded by MANY wise mentors and that means it is sometimes a little too easy to take their advice instead of stepping out on my own.
When we step out and make our own decision it really is a HUGE step forward. Whether that decision ends up to be right or wrong. When it is truly our choice, we know we will have an opportunity to learn and to gain confidence.
Your Decision
I’m sure as you read this today, it has already made you think of an upcoming decision on your horizon. As you make that choice, whether it is what to make for dinner or whether to move your family to a new city, educate yourself with the information you need, but find your own peace in that decision. Own that choice. Be prepared to defend it and not to make waiver later. Admit if you’re wrong, don’t blame someone else for it. As a result, no matter what happens after, you will be taking a step forward that will give you reassurance in making every decision hereafter.
Let’s Figure Out What Isn’t Working Part 1
Defining Productivity
Lately Erik and I are measuring our days by a single word “productive”. Over the past few months, it seems like the definition of “productive” means less and less. Instead of being a true goal, it is more of a way to make ourselves feel good for even the smallest accomplishment.
For example, productive used to mean booking one or more speaking gigs PLUS getting workday hours in PLUS making time for the kids PLUS getting a homemade dinner prepared and cleaned up. Now, it may mean as little as making one meal OR pulling the weeds in the garden. This is NOT a good thing.
The Question of the Day
As a way to fix this issue, I decided that I need to ask myself “What isn’t working?”. I’m willing to dig deep to find out what it is and how to fix it. I know the whole world currently has one excuse they can use as an answer to this question but let’s set that one aside for today’s experiment.
A couple of years ago, I recorded how I spent my time for an entire week. Because of this exercise, I learned that an average of 3 hours of my day was spent in the kitchen. It was extremely eye opening and caused me to rethink how much time I have in a day for work. This week, I will once again be recording how I spend my hours each day and assessing them for the answers I desperately need. I’ll let you know what I discover.
Back to You
If you identify in any way with this issue of “productivity”, let me know in the comments below. After that, list what you plan to do to figure out an answer to the question “What isn’t working?” I’m excited to learn what you find out!