Erik here, Michelle insisted I write this one.

A Long Time Ago…

I went to a small Christian high school which was about a 30 minute drive from my parents’ home in Minneapolis.  At this stage in my life, my parents were not able to drive me both ways every day.  Bussing was not an option and I would not get my license for another 2 years.  My only option was carpooling. And the only person who drove from that direction into school was a classmate’s mother who was on staff at the school.  We will refer to her in the anonymous “Jane Doe.”

If you remember the Disney movie “101 Dalmatians,” Jane Doe, who drove my carpool, was the very depiction of “Cruella de Vil.” This woman drove like a demon, had a VERY short temper and a maniacal laugh that would make everyone’s hair stand on edge (imagine “The Count” from “Sesame Street” only creepier).  She made it her business to know everyone else’s and was the first person to criticize and say “I told you so” (and not in a kind or helpful way either).  It was her self-appointed job to make sure everyone knew exactly how she felt about things and she NEVER EVER kept things in confidence.  If Jane Doe knew something, everyone knew it.

The Wrong Place at the Wrong Time

When I was in high school I was passing through 6’ tall and learning how the world worked so yes, I played basketball (even though my real love was in piano).  But because I was the tallest person in the vehicle, I got to sit in the front seat, which basically made me the punching bag for whatever particle of dust dared to be out of place in Jane Doe’s world.  I was brought up to be respectful of adults, so I kept my mouth shut.  But a half-hour drive is a long time to be subject to that kind of toxic abuse.

When Jane Doe found any reason to argue with me, I just let her win.  If I didn’t, I would be the subject of her ridicule for who knows how long.  Many times I would get out of the car reduced to tears at how I was treated by her.  This lasted for the first 2 years of high school.  I thought to myself: if I can get through this and get Jane Doe out of my life, I’ll be ok and would never have to deal with this again.

Problem solved?

But here’s the funny thing about this: after I stepped out of Jane Doe’s car for the last time, I began to see her pop up in my life in different forms.  I would work with a person on the worship team at church and he’d remind me of Jane Doe.  WHAT IN THE WORLD?!  I thought that person was out of my life!  Then I’d have a college professor for a semester that would remind me of Jane Doe.  Then I got into property management and there would be that one tenant that constantly got under my skin.  Again, Jane Doe.  Then that tenant would move out and instantly another one would take her place.  Jane Doe, Jane Doe, Jane Doe.  There was always one in my life somewhere.

The Lightbulb

Then it hit me: There always will be a Jane Doe.  And here’s why: Imagine there are 10 types of people in your life.  Feel free to change the position title or order as you see fit.

  • Best Friend
  • Favorite Relative
  • Favorite Teacher
  • Least Favorite Teacher
  • Favorite Celebrity
  • Favorite Coworker
  • Favorite Neighbor
  • Least Favorite Neighbor
  • Favorite cashier at the grocery store
  • Jane Doe (my carpool driver)

At any given time, these 10 people are always in your life on some level.  If you’re not actually interacting with them, you’re at least aware of the role or position they play in your life.  If one person is removed for whatever reason, there will always be someone to fill that void.  As I got older, I realized there would always be a Jane Doe on some level.  On the upshot, there would always be a favorite teacher or pastor or coworker.  In coming to terms with this, the lesson I learned was that of balance.  When someone gets under my skin in a way that seems oddly familiar, I can say “Oh, that’s Jane Doe for today.”  Don’t be too quick to wish that person gone, because someone else will take his place.

Ask Yourself…

There will always be certain people in your life.  And there will always be that one person that seems to be the bane of your existence.  The question you should not ask is “how can I get rid of this person?”  Instead ask “What role is this person playing?” The next question you need to ask is, “What am I supposed to learn from this experience?”  Jane Doe was a very difficult person to deal with when I was in high school.  Luckily I learned something about dealing with difficult people.  In my life today, this lesson has served me very well.  It was not an easy lesson, but it is one I’m happy to say I can look at in the rear view mirror.